GoT Season 7 satisfying but short; farewell Orphan Black

The seventh season of Game of Thrones is already over, and there is only one more season left.

If you are not caught up on Game of Thrones, do not read anything after the photo below. You’ve been warned!

I’m also going to complain talk about the series finale of “Orphan Black,” so if you want to read that, scroll down to the photo of the sisters.

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Bromance was brewing between Sandor Clegane (Rory McCann) and Tormund Giantsbane (Kristofer Hivju) on “Game of Thrones” (HBO).

If you’re reading this, I assume you’re all caught up on “Game of Thrones.” Consider this your last spoiler warning!

The season started out with a bang, with Arya getting revenge on the Freys. That and her execution of Littlefinger bookended the season nicely. There is something so satisfying about watching Arya serve up justice to her enemies. It’s no wonder she’s a fan favorite.

Even though Season 7 was too short, with only seven episodes, there were so many scenes we’ve been waiting to see for a long time: Daenerys arriving in Westeros, and meeting Jon, at long last; Bran, Sansa, and Arya reuniting at Winterfell; and the return of Gendry. We also got to see a huge reunion of almost every major character at King’s Landing, and Theon finally grew some guts.

Everything moved along super fast, but there were so many great moments: Sam healing Jorah’s greyscale; Arya sparring with Brienne; that crazy dragon attack on the Lannisters’ loot train; the expedition team’s trip beyond the wall to capture a wight, and Daenerys coming to their rescue. It was so exciting that I (mostly) didn’t care how unbelievable it was that the raven reached Dragonstone that fast. And that wasn’t the first time this season that someone in Westeros reached their destination in an implausible amount of time.

Director Alan Taylor explained recently that they “fudged the timeline,” but that he isn’t worried about the fans noticing, because the show is so successful. Hmmm. There were so many contrivances peppered throughout this season. I hope this isn’t a sign that they’re going to be phoning it in for Season Eight.

There were a lot of sad moments this season too: In becoming the three-eyed raven, Bran seems to have lost his humanity. We also lost the brilliant Lady Olenna and one of Daenerys’ “children,” Viserion, who brought down the Wall with his fiery blue breath in the final geektastic scene.

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“Let’s pretend we don’t trust each other for three episodes, since there’s nothing else for us to do up here while everyone is gone.” Sophie Turner and Maisie Williams play Sansa and Arya Stark. 

Let’s talk about Jon Snow’s smolder in the sixth episode, when he’s lying in bed talking to his aunt. And the way she checked out his abs – I mean scars. I’m not alone when I say I was torn between wanting them to kiss and thinking, “Eww, no, Jon! Stop looking at her like that!”

That scene seemed like a sort of turning point, at which their hookup seemed inevitable. I mean, yes, we all sort of knew their relationship was headed in this direction, even before they met, despite the fact that we’ve known for a while that Jon is actually Rhaegar’s son. Targaryens have a tradition of marrying their own family members, to keep the bloodline pure. (And Jamie and Cersei paved the way for incest on this show.)

The book series is called “A Song of Ice and Fire.” Daenerys is the fire and Jon is the ice, and together they’re pretty hot. Or at least they were, until they started getting busy while Bran explained to Sam how Dany and Jon are related. I mean, yes we already knew, but did Bran have to ruin it by talking about it at that exact moment? And Tyrion lurking outside their door made it that much creepier.

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Who’s your daddy? Er, I mean, your nephew. Oh, this is awkward. …

Perhaps the hardest pill to swallow this season was knowing we were getting closer to the end. There’s only one season left, and we have to wait a year (or longer) for it. Oh the humanity!

One series that is already over and done with is “Orphan Black.” If you’re not caught up on this show, come back later – spoilers ahead!

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Tatiana Maslany plays clone sisters Sarah (the badass), Cosima (the scientist), Alison (the PTA mom), and Helena (the adorably psychotic one), in the finale of “Orphan Black” (BBC America). Farewell, sestras! You had a good run, before you jumped the shark.

Oh, Orphan Black. Why did you get so god-awful? I did not enjoy the last season. You know it’s bad when your favorite scene is someone poking their eyeball out with a broken wineglass. It’s possible that’s because that’s what I felt like doing while watching this season.

I don’t know about you guys, but I thought the Island of Dr. Moreau stuff was ridiculous, and there were too many creeptacular scenes going on: masturbating nuns, Ferdinand stomping M.K. to death, Helena stabbing a doctor in the face with a needle, Helena trying to kill herself, Helena giving birth on a dirty floor, the list goes on and on. Westmoreland was just plain annoying, and Virginia Coady was vile.

But let’s face it, there is plenty of similarly nonsensical and disgusting stuff going on in most of the previous seasons too, so maybe the blame doesn’t fall solely on the high gross-out factor of Season 5. Especially considering the worst moment of all was Sarah allowing Kira to go with Rachel. Why would she trust Rachel with her child after everything Rachel has done to her? Why would she just hand over daughter now, when everything she’s done till now has been to protect her daughter? It makes no sense.

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Oh, you want to let your evil aunt Rachel experiment on you? Why didn’t you say so? Have fun!

I think the writers themselves didn’t know how the show was going to end, which is sad because it had such a promising start, and Tatiana Maslany’s ability to credibly portray so many different roles was nothing short of amazing.

I was happy all the loose ends (sort of) got tied up and the sestras got their happily ever afters, but in my opinion, they/she deserved better. Maybe it’s just me, but I wasn’t feeling it.

So. What will we watch now? Stay tuned for my handy-dandy guide on what to watch this fall.12036672_1476049552698609_1237753520040211488_n

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Sci-fi summer movie catch-up: What to see, what to skip

I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve been watching movies. If you haven’t, and want to know which ones to watch and which ones to skip, you’re in the right place. Here’s your spoiler-free guide. (Movies rated on a five-star system.)

Colossal
Rated R; available on DVD
“Colossal” is a quirky movie about a young woman (Anne Hathaway) who discovers she has a strange connection to a kaiju in South Korea. If that doesn’t sound intriguing to you, then you probably won’t like it as much as I did. Four stars.

Wonder Woman
PG-13; playing in select theaters; DVD release date Sept. 19
Amazon warrior Princess Diana of Themyscira finally gets her own movie! This was the best film of the year so far, in my opinion. Gal Gadot is amazing as Wonder Woman, and Chris Pine is the perfect Steve Trevor. It’s breathtaking and powerful, and it has humor and heart. I honestly can’t think of one thing I didn’t like about this film. It exceeded my expectations. Five stars.

Alien: Covenant
Rated R; available on DVD
The sixth film in the franchise follows our new crew to an earth-like planet and the usual “Oh shit!” insanity ensues. I love Michael Fassbender, and the rest of the cast was great too, but horror isn’t really my bag. If you’re an Alien fan, you’ve probably already seen this one. And if you’re not a fan, you’re not missing much. Two stars.

Okja
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This movie with a message, directed by Bong Joon-ho, is about a “super pig” bred by a corporation headed by Tilda Swinton’s character. I was a little concerned that I would be scarred for life, after seeing Bong’s 2014 film “Snowpiercer,” and I will admit “Okja” was pretty intense too. But I loved it. Four stars.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
PG-13; in theaters
Tom Holland plays Peter Parker in the newest installation of this comic book superhero flick. There’s nothing groundbreaking going on here; it’s everything you expect from Spider-Man. It was fun, but it didn’t blow me away. It’s a popcorn movie. Three stars.

Kong: Skull Island
PG-13; available on DVD
I had high hopes for this one, in no small part because I like Tom Hiddleston. I will admit it was suspenseful and entertaining and the special effects were awesome, but I would have liked it a lot more if the plot or characters had a little more depth. Three stars.

 

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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
PG-13; available on DVD
I didn’t think this would be as good as the first one because origin stories are always the best, but I loved this sequel. Just like the first one, there was plenty of wacky outer-space adventure, lots of laughs, groovy ’70s tunes, and some touching moments about what it means to be a family. I could watch this a dozen times, and I probably will. Five stars.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
PG-13; in theaters
I really, really wanted to like this. Luc Besson’s “The Fifth Element” is one of my all-time favorite movies, and “Valerian” does succeed in creating a visually impressive universe, but it lacks the heart of its predecessor. The characters were flat and uninteresting, for the most part, and the plot could have been better. Two stars.

Photos: Wonder Woman, Warner Bros. Pictures; Okja, Netflix; Guardians of the Galaxy, STX Entertainment. 

 

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Postapocalyptica! What to watch while waiting for ‘Hunger Games’ finale

I loved “Hunger Games” – the books and the movies – and even though I feel cheated that they split the last book into two movies, I’m excited for the final chapter, “Mockingjay, Part 2,” coming out Nov. 20.

Maybe it’s morbid, but I love post-apocalyptic movies, and movies with dystopian societies. Here are some of my faves (in no particular order):

  1. Twelve Monkeys. Terry Gilliam’s trippy movie, about a prisoner sent back in time to collect information on the virus that all but destroyed humanity, also made my list of top 10 time travel movies. While the underground world where the survivors live is dark and creepy, the real horror is the mindfuckery James Cole (Bruce Willis) endures. Also, cool plot twists.
  2. Strange Days. It’s hard to believe “Strange Days” just had its 20th anniversary. The dystopian thriller set in 1999 was released in October 1995, when virtual reality was all the rage in sci fi. Written by James Cameron and directed by Kathryn Bigelow, the film is somewhat of a murder mystery, with the evidence in the form of discs recorded on “SQUIDS,” which plug into users’ heads and allow them to record memories and feelings. Ralph Fiennes, Angela Bassett, Juliette Lewis, and Tom Sizemore star.
  3. Hunger Games. A friend of mine recommended the books to me before the first movie came out so I read them all, one after another. (One benefit of being late to the party is you don’t have to wait for the next book to come out.) I like that the films stay true to the books, but I have an issue with paying full price for half a movie, which is what “Mockingjay, Part 1” was. I hope the finale is more satisfying.
  4. Never Let Me Go. The book and the movie make me cry like a baby. Carey Mulligan, Andrew Garfield, and Keira Knightley star in the film adaptation of Kazuo Ishiguro’s heartbreaking novel in which clones are raised to have their organs harvested.
  5. The Matrix. Did I mention virtual reality was big in the ’90s? I loved the first Matrix movie – Neo (Keanu Reeves) and Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) in their cool trench coats and sunglasses, battling the powers that enslave humanity. So cool. But I found the sequels annoying and confusing.
  6. Blade Runner. Ridley Scott’s futuristic film noir starring Harrison Ford is arguably the coolest film adaptation of a Philip K. Dick story (there have been about a dozen movies made from his novels and short stories, including “Total Recall,” “Minority Report,” and “The Adjustment Bureau”). Ford is retired police officer Rick Deckard, whose job was to track down replicants (bio-engineered androids) and destroy them. The film also stars Sean Young, Rutger Hauer, Daryl Hannah, and Edward James Olmos.
  7. Children of Men. Based on P.D. James’ novel of the same name, “Children of Men” is set in the year 2027, and the U.K. is the only country with a functioning government. Twenty years of global infertility threatens the human race with extinction. Clive Owen plays Theo, a civil servant tasked with safeguarding the life of a pregnant young immigrant named Kee. The movie was written and directed by Alfonso Cuarón, and also stars Julianne Moore, Michael Caine, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Charlie Hunnam.
  8. Elysium. Matt Damon stars in Neill Blomkamp’s futuristic morality play, in which Damon’s character attempts to reach a Med-Bay on the luxury space habitat Elysium after being poisoned by radiation on a post-apocalyptic Earth. Even if Blomkamp is a bit heavy-handed with his symbolism, I love his movies. “District 9” kept me on the edge of my seat, “Chappie” was so much better than the critics gave it credit for, and this one is an entertaining ride as well.
  9. I Am Legend. I’m not a huge fan of zombie flicks, but I like that this one focuses on character, rather than just frenzied zombie carnage. Will Smith’s performance was moving. Plus it has a cute German shepherd in it. And “Three Little Birds.”
  10. Gattaca. Sometimes subtle is better with science fiction. Gattaca is one of those, like “Never Let Me Go,” that lacks the guns-blazing craziness of movies like “Mad Max,” but still manages to shake you up. Vincent (Ethan Hawke) dreams of traveling to outer space, but in the future, only genetically superior people are allowed to do such things. Jude Law and Uma Thurman also star.

(photo: Elysium; TriStar Pictures)

Check out graphic novels ‘Nimona,’ ‘Descender’

I’ve been on a bit of a comic book kick lately. I especially like graphic novels, as they’re easier to get my hands on and take longer to read than individual issues.

“Nimona,” Noelle Stevenson’s graphic novel debut, began as a web comic. A fun read, the comic is set in the time of knights and dragons, but with convenient anachronisms like computers, TVs, and plasma cannons.

Nimona is a shapeshifter who shows up at villain Ballister Blackheart’s lair, looking to be his new sidekick. She can’t wait to do revenge! And science! She is an impatient teenager and she wants to overthrow the government – NOW!

Blackheart is methodical, though, and has plans, and he doesn’t want Nimona going berserk. Of course she does anyway, and chaos ensues, etc.

I love that “Nimona” subverts the traditional role of heroes and villains. It’s unpredictable and it has heart.

Stevenson also co-writes the comic “Lumberjanes,” about a Girl Scout-like troop who get much more than they bargained for when they explore the wilderness.

Plans for both “Nimona” and “Lumberjanes” to be adapted for the big screen are in the works.

Descender

Entertainment Weekly says, “Your new sci-fi obsession is here,” in the blurb on the cover of the graphic novel “Descender, Volume 1,” by Jeff Lemire and Dustin Nguyen. A bold statement which would seem a bit presumptuous if it wasn’t such a great comic.

A collection of issues 1-6, “Descender, Volume 1” definitely left me wanting more, and I can’t wait to see what happens next to Tim-21, an android child who survived the robot culls that followed the destruction of billions of humans by huge robots called Harvesters.

Tim was created by a scientist named Dr. Jin Quon, and then shipped to a mining colony, where his function was to provide companionship to a child of one of the miners.

I don’t want to give the whole story away. It’s dark, intense, and heartbreaking, and is also being made into a movie. Check it out.

Nimona, by Noelle Stevenson; HarperTeen

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Descender, by Jeff Lemire and Dustin Nguyen, Image Comics, Rated Mature

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