Life’s not fair, but at least there’s chocolate … & kittens

I know it came out a month ago, but I’m just getting around to complaining about all the hate “The Marvels” got. I think the main reason it didn’t do as well as other Marvel films at the box office is because men don’t want to see a film about three women superheroes. Maybe it’s more complicated than that, but … I don’t think so.

Brie Larson, Iman Vellani, and Teyonah Parris reprise their roles as Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel, and Monica Rambeau, and Samuel L. Jackson returns as Nick Fury. The actors had great chemistry together, and it was funny and fun. Also: Flerkittens! How can anyone complain about a movie that has Flerkittens? I would honestly like to know.

The movie was a little silly, yes, but so was “Thor: Love and Thunder,” and so was “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania.” I enjoyed it despite its silly moments and will watch it again. Headlines declared it “bombed” at the box office, even though it grossed $47 million its domestic opening weekend. Well, I guess that’s a bomb when you compare it to other MCU openings, but “Wonka” made $39 million, and everyone described that movie as a hit. (Worth noting: “The Marvels” is the highest grossing film directed by a Black woman.)

The Candy Man can.

Speaking of “Wonka” – we went opening weekend and enjoyed it. It’s a prequel of the 1971 classic, and is directed by Paul King, who also directed the “Paddington” movies. It definitely had the same vibe as “Paddington,” and some of the same actors (including Sally Hawkins and Hugh Grant).

I liked the film, but I don’t think it would have worked as well if the title character was played by anyone other than the very charming Timothee Chalamet.

It wasn’t a perfect movie, but the visuals were magical, the songs were catchy, and I approve of its message, which I am pretty sure is: Life is unfair but at least there’s chocolate.

Or something like that.

I want them to actually look like Jeff Goldblum and Robert Downey Jr. Is that asking for too much?

So far, the second season of “What If … ?” (Disney+) is as disappointing as Season 1, I’m sorry to report. I’m not sure what it is about this series that I don’t like. Is it the way the cartoon versions of the Marvel characters look and sound almost like the actors, but not quite? Are we in Uncanny Valley territory? Happy Hogan looks like Shrek when he temporarily became human.

Or maybe it’s the nonsensical storylines that are bugging me the most. I keep watching, thinking it will get better, but I’m not super hopeful.

The “Echo” trailer isn’t too promising either. It looks like a lot of people getting the crap beaten out of them. And it’s rated TV-MA. This seems like an odd choice, considering it’s a spin-off of the (Disney+) series “Hawkeye,” which was on the more family-friendly end of the MCU spectrum. I’m not sure I’ll watch it. They had a chance to do something interesting here, with their first real deaf Marvel character, but it looks like they are just spinning out more Kingpin drama. And as much as I like Vincent D’Onofrio, he was miscast here, in my opinion. He pulls off the look, but his voice doesn’t sound right. Maybe it’s just me.

(Some of these movies and series have been mentioned in previous posts and were delayed due to the SAG-AFTRA strikes.)

“I.S.S.,” in theaters Jan. 19, is based on the International Space Station, obviously, and explores what might happen there if a world war broke out on Earth.

“Dune: Part Two” is coming March 1. Timothee Chalamet reprises his role as Paul Atreides, in this film adaptation of the 1965 novel by Frank Herbert.

Also coming out March 1, on Netflix, is the film “Spaceman,” starring Adam Sandler as a Czech astronaut. Carey Mulligan, Paul Dano, Isabella Rossellini, and Kunal Nayyar also star.

The Netflix series “3 Body Problem” will premiere March 21. The show is based on the popular novel of the same name by Liu Cixin, and was developed by David Benioff, D.B. Weiss, and Alexander Woo. If those names sound familiar, it’s because Benioff and Weiss were behind the HBO series “Game of Thrones.” Hopefully they won’t mess up the ending of this one the way they did GoT.

“Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire” has a March 29 release date. Finn Wolfhard, Mckenna Grace, and Paul Rudd reprise their roles from the 2021 film “Ghostbusters: Afterlife.”

Bong Joon-ho’s new film, “Mickey 17,” is also scheduled to be released March 29. Robert Pattinson stars.

“Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” comes out April 12. Kaiju movies are sort of hit and miss for me, so I’m not sure if I will check this one out. I may see what Rotten Tomatoes has to say about it first.

Also out April 12 is the Amazon series “Fallout,” based on the post-apocalyptic video game of the same name. I guess after the success of “The Last of Us,” everyone is scrambling to adapt another post-apocalyptic video game. The new series will star Walton Goggins and Ella Purnell.

Alex Garland’s films range from the trippy/cool (“Ex Machina”) to the creepy/disturbing (“Annihilation”). His new one, “Civil War,” looks like it will lean toward the disturbing, but we’ll see. In theaters April 26, the film stars Kirsten Dunst, Nick Offerman, and Wagner Moura.

“Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes,” the fourth film in the rebooted franchise, will be in theaters May 24. It’s set 300 years after the events in the third movie.

Also arriving in theaters May 24 is the prequel “Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga,” starring Anya Taylor-Joy as the title character (played in the 2015 film by Charlize Theron).

It appears the only Marvel movie on the slate for the new year is “Deadpool 3,” which is not great news for young fans, as it will likely have an R rating. (I’m not counting “Madame Web” which isn’t official MCU canon and also looks dumb.) I like Deadpool, but it would be cool if there were more Marvel movies coming out in 2024. (We got three in 2023!) The sequel is scheduled for a July 26 release.

“Borderlands,” another video game adaptation, will be in theaters Aug. 9. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have much interest in an animated movie based on a video game and geared toward adult audiences, but I liked “Arcane,” so you never know.

“Alien: Romulus,” the ninth film in the Alien franchise, is expected in theaters Aug. 16. Considered a standalone film, it is set between the events of “Alien” (1979) and “Aliens” (1986).

“Kraven the Hunter,” another Marvel movie that isn’t really a Marvel movie, is the fifth film in Sony’s Spider-Man Universe. Aaron Taylor-Johnson (who played Wanda’s brother Pietro Maximoff, aka Quicksilver, in the MCU) plays Kraven. In theaters Aug. 30.

Michael Keaton returns for Tim Burton’s “Beetlejuice 2,” out Sept. 6. Winona Ryder reprises her role as Lydia, and Jenna Ortega plays her daughter.

The third SSU film of 2024, “Venom 3,” hits theaters Nov. 8. Tom Hardy reprises the role of Eddie Brock/Venom.

“The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim,” an animated prequel to LOTR series, will be in theaters Dec. 13, 2024.

Release dates subject to change.

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