Skip ‘Matrix’ sequel – watch ‘Witcher’ and Spidey instead

When I read that people are divided over “The Matrix Resurrections,” that fans either love it or hate it, I knew I would be in the second group. I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to like this movie. But unfortunately, my prediction was correct.

It started out fun and funny, and I hate the word “meta,” but it was that too. But the writers apparently didn’t know where to go from there. It was almost as bad as the new “Bill & Ted” movie, and every bit as pointless. I love Keanu, but how did no one who read the script think to say, “Can’t we do better than this?” The plot was so dull and boring, I nearly fell asleep before it was over.

The fact that they kept showing clips from the first film should have been a clue that they were relying too heavily on nostalgia. They even named the deja vu cat from the first film Deja Vu, in case we didn’t feel saturated in deja vu already.

That cat was the best thing in the whole movie, which is all you really need to know.

‘The Witcher’

I finished watching Season 2 of “The Witcher” and it was over much too quickly. I’m a tiny bit obsessed with this Netflix series. I’m not going to pretend that it’s as good as say, “Game of Thrones” (and when I say GoT is good, I assume you know that I mean except for Season 8), but it is probably just as fun to watch. I love this show, and without ruining the whole plot for those of you who haven’t seen it yet, I will explain why.

Exhibit A: Henry Cavill. Actually, do you really need another reason? He’s dreamy. Enough said.

OK, OK. That’s not all. There’s also some great girl power: Princess Cirilla is learning how to be a warrior, and there’s also a sorceress named Yennefer. The stories are great, the costumes and scenery transport you to another time and place, and there’s just the right mix of action, suspense, romance, and scary shit to please any sci-fi/fantasy fan.

It’s also funny. Yes, it is intentionally funny and it (mostly) succeeds at that. One of my favorite scenes has Jaskier the bard defending one of his songs when someone criticizes it by saying it’s too complicated – he didn’t realize there were different timelines until the fourth verse, etc. Obviously referring to criticism directed at Season 1 of “The Witcher,” Jaskier continues the fourth-wall break by insulting him right back, basically telling him that he can’t do any better so he should shut up.

I also love the anachronistic speech. Geralt saying stuff like “Where the fuck are my swords?” is probably not supposed to be funny, but gets me every time. Same with every character who can say “fire fucker” with a straight face.

I have a few minor gripes about this show, one of which is I am sort of over the tired trope of “the one.” The one that was foretold of in the prophecies, the prince who was promised, the dragon reborn, blah blah blah – every show/book/movie has a different name for this special chosen one. Thankfully, this series doesn’t beat you over the head with it; there’s plenty of other stuff going on. But destiny does figure into the plot, which is a little annoying. (Maybe it’s just me?)

My recommendation to anyone who watched Season 1 when it was released but hasn’t yet seen Season 2: Watch Season 1 again before watching Season 2. I had forgotten some of the characters and plot points since it has been so long between seasons. (Season 1 came out in December 2019.)

‘Spider-Man: No Way Home’

(SPOILERS FOLLOW!)

Spidey is not my favorite: I am not a big fan of Tobey Maguire; I sat through nearly every previous Spider-Man movie somewhat grudgingly; and I normally find Tom Holland’s Peter Parker too earnest. I prefer Tony Stark’s sarcasm. But it took multiple viewings of the Captain America movies before I came to appreciate (and love) Steve Rogers’ wholesomeness, and Peter Parker is finally growing on me too.

I loved that Doctor Strange is in this movie, but I didn’t love that Peter thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask him to interfere with the space-time continuum simply because his buddies didn’t get into their college of choice. It was even more annoying that the doc agreed to help him. And then Peter didn’t go along with Strange’s solution of sending the supervillains back to their own universes – um, what?!

But then Ned used the sling ring to find the other Peter Parkers and things got kinda cool. When Andrew Garfield showed up and then Maguire, it reminded me of what I loved about “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,” which until now was the best Spidey film, and darn it if I didn’t get a little teary-eyed by the end of the movie.

“Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” will be released on May 6.

“Thor: Love and Thunder” will be in theaters July 8.

“Wakanda Forever” has a Nov. 11 release date.

(All release dates are subject to change.)

Also expected in 2022 are the Disney+ series “Ms. Marvel,” “Moon Knight,” “She-Hulk,” and “The “Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special.”

“Star Trek: Picard” and “Star Trek: Strange New Worlds” are also planned for the new year.

Note that the mid-season finale of “Star Trek: Discovery” is Dec. 30; Season 4 returns Feb. 10.

Have a safe and happy new year!

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